Gutwadfem is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, generous ferret.

Gutwadfem created an electron five million years ago.

If you believe in Gutwadfem, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gutwadfem, he will not care at all.

Gutwadfem's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Gutwadfem's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large gold sculpture of Gutwadfem on top of all buildings.

2. Never wear pink corsets.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gutwadfem.

4. Never talk about chlorophyll.

5. Never feed strawberries to monkeys while wearing stockings.