Gessbedcutvonk is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless snake.

Gessbedcutvonk created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Gessbedcutvonk, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gessbedcutvonk, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Gessbedcutvonk's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Gessbedcutvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Always help ants in need.

3. Never feed wheat to nematodes while wearing green kilts.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing yellow scarves.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.