Figponsanzig Catgigtan Hakquafgov is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, confident chicken.

Figponsanzig Catgigtan Hakquafgov created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Figponsanzig Catgigtan Hakquafgov, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Figponsanzig Catgigtan Hakquafgov, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Figponsanzig Catgigtan Hakquafgov's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Figponsanzig Catgigtan Hakquafgov's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never eat bananas.

3. Hide if nine swans approach from the south.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always help mice.