Tonkkonmum is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonest shrew.

Tonkkonmum created life two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkkonmum, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tonkkonmum, she will destroy your favourite star.

Tonkkonmum's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Tonkkonmum's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Never talk about archaea.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never look in ponds.