Gomcardoss is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, humane dog.

Gomcardoss created water nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gomcardoss, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gomcardoss, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Gomcardoss' most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gomcardoss' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never feed coconuts to goats while wearing fawn shorts.

3. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.