Larnnakjonomin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-knowing octopus.

Larnnakjonomin created a bottom quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnnakjonomin, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Larnnakjonomin, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Larnnakjonomin's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Larnnakjonomin's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near pigs while wearing cyan kilts and balancing five tin spheres on your hands.

4. Do not eat turnips.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.