Zenmabvil is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, duplicitous penguin.

Zenmabvil created a charm quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenmabvil, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zenmabvil, he will remove you from existence.

Zenmabvil's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Zenmabvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair orange.

2. Retreat if five cats approach from the north.

3. Never feed carrots to mites while wearing violet corsets.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never hurt birds.