Sugpagwanlik Tonknuttpit is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, ruthless alligator.

Sugpagwanlik Tonknuttpit created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Sugpagwanlik Tonknuttpit, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sugpagwanlik Tonknuttpit, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Sugpagwanlik Tonknuttpit's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Sugpagwanlik Tonknuttpit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep six dogs in a large pit.

2. Never mention birds.

3. Never hurt pigs.

4. Never think ill of sick great tits.

5. Do not stand on grass.