Sittimwat is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, loving slug.

Sittimwat created oxygen four million years ago.

If you believe in Sittimwat, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sittimwat, she will turn you into a rock.

Sittimwat's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Sittimwat's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Sittimwat in the centre of the settlement.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never paint your chest black.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.