Cabfunjabzenjam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, ruthless dove.

Cabfunjabzenjam created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Cabfunjabzenjam, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cabfunjabzenjam, he will turn you into a mole.

Cabfunjabzenjam's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Cabfunjabzenjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Cabfunjabzenjam in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Never feed limes to moths while wearing boots.