Quaffligkimgovnuttniltab is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, competent elephant.

Quaffligkimgovnuttniltab created the world four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaffligkimgovnuttniltab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quaffligkimgovnuttniltab, he will torture you forever.

Quaffligkimgovnuttniltab's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Quaffligkimgovnuttniltab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about archaea.

2. Never chant near ducks.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

5. Do not commit murder.