Kemtitarp is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, uncaring dolphin.

Kemtitarp created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemtitarp, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kemtitarp, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kemtitarp's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Kemtitarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Never feed rice to snails while wearing coats.

3. Kemtitarp must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never go into fawn rooms.

5. Do not drink water in green rooms.