Dandaptunpaklan is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, confident beaver.

Dandaptunpaklan created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dandaptunpaklan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dandaptunpaklan, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Dandaptunpaklan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Dandaptunpaklan's Holy Commandments

1. Dandaptunpaklan loves otters, so they must be respected.

2. Never think about enzymes.

3. Feed all hungry dolphins.

4. Dandaptunpaklan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.