Bafomtfidhatdubtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, resourceful squid.

Bafomtfidhatdubtonk created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafomtfidhatdubtonk, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bafomtfidhatdubtonk, he will not care.

Bafomtfidhatdubtonk's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bafomtfidhatdubtonk's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Bafomtfidhatdubtonk.

2. Never talk about optics near ducks while wearing turquoise shoes.

3. Retreat if nine hamsters approach from the east.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Bafomtfidhatdubtonk loves dogs, so they must be honoured.