Yarlabpark is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, boastful eagle.

Yarlabpark created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlabpark, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Yarlabpark, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Yarlabpark's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Yarlabpark's Holy Commandments

1. Yarlabpark loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

2. Always treat bats with great respect.

3. Never wear cyan stockings.

4. Erect eight copper sculptures of Yarlabpark on top of important buildings.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.