Mutgupjen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, boastful walrus.

Mutgupjen created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mutgupjen, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mutgupjen, it will turn you into a snail.

Mutgupjen's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Mutgupjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Never think about dark energy.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

5. Mutgupjen must be the most important thing in your life.