Tadtettilimpak is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, narcissistic ferret.

Tadtettilimpak created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Tadtettilimpak, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tadtettilimpak, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Tadtettilimpak's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Tadtettilimpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green tights.

2. Never feed tomatoes to monkeys while wearing purple corsets.

3. Always wear mauve.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always help sick otters.