Parkyatpaknak is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, clever slug.

Parkyatpaknak created the Sol system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkyatpaknak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Parkyatpaknak, it will turn you into a frog.

Parkyatpaknak's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Parkyatpaknak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to nematodes while wearing orange stockings.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never paint your feet yellow.

5. Never talk about dark energy near frogs while wearing magenta shirts.