Gantonzig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, unsympathetic dove.

Gantonzig created the planet Saturn two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gantonzig, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gantonzig, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Gantonzig's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Gantonzig's Holy Commandments

1. Gantonzig loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

2. Gantonzig loves whales, so they must be respected.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not speak about nuts.

5. Never feed oranges to moths while wearing brown tights.