Legcisstan is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, narcissistic narwhal.

Legcisstan created vertebrates eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Legcisstan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Legcisstan, she will curse you with boils.

Legcisstan's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Legcisstan's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three seals approach from the north.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never feed lots of aubergines to dolphins while wearing white coats.