Batrill Arpcarhudwap is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, conceited troll.

Batrill Arpcarhudwap created Europe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batrill Arpcarhudwap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Batrill Arpcarhudwap, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Batrill Arpcarhudwap's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Batrill Arpcarhudwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark energy.

2. Never feed parsnips to foxes while wearing green ear rings.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never skip near snails.