Rulcussbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unfair squirrel.

Rulcussbonk created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rulcussbonk, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Rulcussbonk, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Rulcussbonk's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Rulcussbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Never hurt mites.

3. Never think about spacetime near swans while wearing orange kilts and balancing four titanium spheres on your chest.

4. Always help sick capybaras.

5. Pray towards the north.