Arpyamkikbidveenpib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish alligator.

Arpyamkikbidveenpib created Africa two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpyamkikbidveenpib, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arpyamkikbidveenpib, she will turn you into a duck.

Arpyamkikbidveenpib's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Arpyamkikbidveenpib's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Hide from fawn snails for they are unholy.

4. Feed all hungry doves.

5. Always pray immersed in water.