Pigpaktif Ceptarpmob is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, humorless faun.

Pigpaktif Ceptarpmob created the solar system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pigpaktif Ceptarpmob, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Pigpaktif Ceptarpmob, she will jump up and down on your head.

Pigpaktif Ceptarpmob's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Pigpaktif Ceptarpmob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Always obey Pigpaktif Ceptarpmob's priests.

3. Never paint your feet mauve.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

5. Never eat bark.