Fon Nakpodvag is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, fast duck.

Fon Nakpodvag created viruses two years ago.

If you believe in Fon Nakpodvag, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fon Nakpodvag, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fon Nakpodvag's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Fon Nakpodvag's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fon Nakpodvag.

2. Never talk about dolphins.

3. You must love Fon Nakpodvag.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near capybaras while wearing black scarves.

5. Never eat nuts.