Talpasved Bonkdisszak is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, merciful squid.

Talpasved Bonkdisszak created the Small Magellanic Cloud four billion years ago.

If you believe in Talpasved Bonkdisszak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Talpasved Bonkdisszak, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Talpasved Bonkdisszak's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Talpasved Bonkdisszak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.

2. Never sprint near sheep.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.