Kemflancumtapbafomin is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, blissful monkey.

Kemflancumtapbafomin created the Milkyway three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemflancumtapbafomin, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kemflancumtapbafomin, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Kemflancumtapbafomin's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Kemflancumtapbafomin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.