Quartbamsit is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, ill-tempered monkey.

Quartbamsit created the Sombrero Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartbamsit, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quartbamsit, he will turn you into a goat.

Quartbamsit's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Quartbamsit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Never mention snails.

3. Do not chant in public.

4. Never talk about enzymes.

5. Retreat if five voles approach from the west.