Nellpitsin is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, selfish butterfly.

Nellpitsin created the planet Saturn four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nellpitsin, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nellpitsin, she will turn you into a puffin.

Nellpitsin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Nellpitsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Run away from green birds, for they are unholy.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not dye your hair magenta.