Tofcanhubvog is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, blissful wyvern.

Tofcanhubvog created the Small Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofcanhubvog, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tofcanhubvog, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Tofcanhubvog's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tofcanhubvog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. Never talk about turtles.