Pighabbam is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, passionate badger.

Pighabbam created the planet Mars five billion years ago.

If you believe in Pighabbam, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Pighabbam, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Pighabbam's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Pighabbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near goats while wearing orange corsets.

2. Never think about dark energy near eagles while wearing mauve shorts and balancing six copper spheres on your back.

3. Do not hurt moths.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.