Listvinkom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, smart wombat.

Listvinkom created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Listvinkom, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Listvinkom, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Listvinkom's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Listvinkom's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet pink.

2. You must pray to Listvinkom five times a day.

3. Never hurt grasshopers.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Listvinkom.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.