Dapwipbug Jigsandtif Xemjabnan is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, slow wren.

Dapwipbug Jigsandtif Xemjabnan created gold six million years ago.

If you believe in Dapwipbug Jigsandtif Xemjabnan, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dapwipbug Jigsandtif Xemjabnan, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Dapwipbug Jigsandtif Xemjabnan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Dapwipbug Jigsandtif Xemjabnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near snakes while wearing turquoise hats.

2. Never think ill of sick shrews.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Feed all hungry doves.

5. Never wear jumpers.