Tarzoddin is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, bad-tempered manatee.

Tarzoddin created energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarzoddin, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tarzoddin, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tarzoddin's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tarzoddin's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Run away if seven eagles approach from the east.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near squirrels while wearing orange jumpers and balancing eight platinum spheres on your face.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.