Jarntipnibved is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonourable sheep.

Jarntipnibved created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarntipnibved, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jarntipnibved, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Jarntipnibved's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Jarntipnibved's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

3. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Jarntipnibved in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always wear cyan.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.