Ripnattik is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, irritating gnu.

Ripnattik created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripnattik, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ripnattik, he will be very sad.

Ripnattik's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Ripnattik's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Do not kill nematodes.