Zedhotquag Tonksoggammut is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, uncaring cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Zedhotquag Tonksoggammut created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedhotquag Tonksoggammut, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Zedhotquag Tonksoggammut, she will torture you forever.

Zedhotquag Tonksoggammut's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Zedhotquag Tonksoggammut's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not covet oxen.