Saffossnill is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, idiotic tortoise.

Saffossnill created a strange quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Saffossnill, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Saffossnill, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Saffossnill's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Saffossnill's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta grasshopers, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never think about cell theory.