Laplattikrulken is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, unfair goat.

Laplattikrulken created the planet Saturn seven million years ago.

If you believe in Laplattikrulken, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Laplattikrulken, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Laplattikrulken's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Laplattikrulken's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Laplattikrulken on top of all buildings.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Laplattikrulken in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always help dogs in need.