Tarkemflat is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, kind raven.

Tarkemflat created Europe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarkemflat, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tarkemflat, it will turn you into a hamster.

Tarkemflat's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tarkemflat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never talk about hamsters.

3. Retreat if five swans approach from the north.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.