Bothapdog Pad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, all-powerful monkey.

Bothapdog Pad created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bothapdog Pad, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bothapdog Pad, it will turn you into a hamster.

Bothapdog Pad's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bothapdog Pad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near hamsters while wearing fawn rings.

2. Do not eat melons.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always wear brown.