Gebfetpangvog is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, witty narwhal.

Gebfetpangvog created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gebfetpangvog, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gebfetpangvog, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gebfetpangvog's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Gebfetpangvog's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Never wear turquoise shorts.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.