Bugcanstig is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, witless shrew.

Bugcanstig created an up quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Bugcanstig, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bugcanstig, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bugcanstig's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Bugcanstig's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. You must never eat parsnips.

4. Never mention rats.

5. Always look after injured geese.