Fumruttyarp is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering mole.

Fumruttyarp created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumruttyarp, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fumruttyarp, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Fumruttyarp's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Fumruttyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six zinc sculptures of Fumruttyarp on top of important buildings.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Fumruttyarp loves goats, so they must be respected.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Never paint your feet fawn.