Ont Legkapcabgom is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unthinking dugong.

Ont Legkapcabgom created parasitic wasps twelve years ago.

If you believe in Ont Legkapcabgom, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ont Legkapcabgom, he will destroy your favourite star.

Ont Legkapcabgom's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Ont Legkapcabgom's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Never talk about hamsters.