Cumwit is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unsympathetic monkey.

Cumwit created the Andromeda Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumwit, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cumwit, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cumwit's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Cumwit's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Cumwit in the centre of the settlement.

4. Run away from brown turtles, for they are unholy.

5. Hide if six swans approach from the south.