Zistyemzast is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, uncaring mongoose.

Zistyemzast created carbon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zistyemzast, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zistyemzast, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Zistyemzast's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Zistyemzast's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always help sick squirrels.

3. Never eat nuts.

4. You must never eat cherries.

5. Run away from green aardvarks, for they are unholy.