Dagbigcan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, narcissistic dove.

Dagbigcan created the world five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dagbigcan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Dagbigcan, he will turn you into a mole.

Dagbigcan's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Dagbigcan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never pour water over plants.