Pakkapbig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, passionate guinea pig.

Pakkapbig created Europe twelve years ago.

If you believe in Pakkapbig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Pakkapbig, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Pakkapbig's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Pakkapbig's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

2. Do not kill eagles.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not chop down trees.