Ortgumsan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, vain monkey.

Ortgumsan created a bottom quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ortgumsan, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ortgumsan, she will turn you into a rat.

Ortgumsan's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Ortgumsan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never write about archaea.

5. Respect your elders.